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Hindiwallahas vs Englishwallahas

Let me make it clear. I am not a member of the indi ozhiga, tamizh vaazhga brigade. At home we speak Hindi most of the time. I love Hindi film music particularly of the 1950s and 1960s. One of my most unforgettable moments in journalism was when I interviewed the famous ghazal singer, the late Talat Mahmood. What I don't like is the zeal of the Hindiwallahas in thrusting down their language on others and their claim that Hindi is the best language in the world. I strongly feel Hindi is just one more Indian language and did not deserve to be our national language.

Several months back, as one of the panelists in the Shotgun Show on Zee TV, I was in a minority of one against three formidable fellow panelists. The topic under discussion was 'Should Hindi be our national language'. The others were for it, I was against it. The audience, mostly drawn from Bihar and UP disapproved of my stand.

What I tried (rather unsuccessfully) to put across to the audience was the view that Hindi was not spoken all over India. It was not as rich or ancient as some other Indian languages like Tamil. The states where Hindi was the mother tongue (the cow-belt region) were the most backward, illiterate and lawless regions in the country.

The audience was hostile and that spurred me on to further action. I was rather carried away and associated Hindi with the likes of Lalloo Prasad Yadav. This did not go down well. There were dark murmurs that I was a traitor and a 'slave' of foreign powers because I had advocated a special position for English, which to me, deserved to be our national language. "Even after more than 50 years of Independence, you are still a ghulam of the British" hissed members in the audience.

All the super patriots in the audience pointed out to the remarkable progress made by European nations, Russia, Japan and China despite their lack of knowledge of English. Listening to them, one would believe that there was a link between our backwardness and our knowledge of English. They made no efforts to understand the historical fact that India took to English because of the 300 years of British rule. Nations which were denied this and deprived of English, were now trying their best to teach and learn the language.

What was irritating was the fact that while a propagandist for English was labeled as a 'traitor', most of the ardent champions of Hindi were very much under 'foreign' influence. They wore Western clothes. Their shoes, wristwatches, sunglasses were all imported. Most of them had children studying in convent schools where English was the medium of instruction. Yet, they would never admit that Hindi did not belong to the entire nation and was being unjustly imposed at all levels by the government.

Competent people working in public sector units had their increments stopped if they did not pass their Hindi examinations. Why should staffers at Reserve Bank of India or Air India, whose work was all in English, suffer because they were not proficient in Hindi? Yet, the Government of India rules on this issue favoured the Lalloos of Bihar or the Tewaris of UP.

Despite their stern opposition to 'imperialistic' English, the Hindiwallahas saw nothing wrong in stealing stuff from English in most of the creative professions. Our crime stories in Hindi, made into scripts for Hindi films or TV serials, were lifted without any acknowledgement from the books of James Hadley Chase or Ed McBain.

Why did the champions of Hindi sit down and enjoy the Hindi versions of Dennis the Menace, Jungle Book, Small Wonder? It was so incongruous and laughable listening to Dennis arguing with Margaret in Hindi. The environment, the story line and the settings were all foreign, yet the characters spoke badly dubbed Hindi. The Hindiwallahas were unable to create their own animation figures and had to have the beloved Disney characters Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse and Minnie speak Hindi!

Such was the keenness of the Hindiwallahas to thrust down their language on others, that even the typical English game of cricket was not spared. The Hindi cricket commentary was something utterly monstrous and unwanted. How can one listen to utter rubbish like jagha banake ghoomaya, mano vaigyanik dabav par or such idiotic expressions like gendbazi and ballebazi and so on. It was nothing but bundlebazi.

Now cricket lends itself to near-poetic expression, but only in English. Why can't our Hindiwallahas restrict Hindi commentary to their own desi games like kho-kho and kabbadi?

It is this lack of originality and substance which forced Hindiwallahas to tamper with English classics like Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights. The TV serials based on these two classics were appalling to say the least. Now, Elizabeth Bennett and Mr Heathcliffe were two of the immortal creations of English fiction, but how they were mauled in our Hindi serials! The same fate befell the Bingleys, the Darcys and the Bennetts. Poor, poor, Jane Austen and Emily Bronte!

But the line had to be drawn somewhere and the Hindiwallahas should be told where they should get off. That was why I was shocked when I read about the proposed BBC serials, Hindi versions of the great English political satire, Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister! How strange that BBC which had helped the spread of English now decided to stab the noble language in its back. English may well cry out, 'et tu BBC, then fall English!'

Both, Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister are so typically British that having them performed in any other language, would be akin to murder. The wordplay, the situations, the characterisation and the presentation are highly subtle. Now, subtlety is something unknown to Hindiwallahas. Their sense of humour is vulgar, loud and regional. Some years back, there was a TV serial featuring that fine actor, Om Puri. This was supposed to be a political satire and all the time Om Puri was forced to speak with his mouth full of paan and generally overact. That is our kind of humour and satire.

I am sure the Hindi versions of Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister will not be very different. The characters will be tucking up their dhotis, chew paan all the time, talk loudly and overact. How can the Hindiwallahas recreate immortal characters like James Hacker, Humphrey Appleby and the unobtrusive Bernard? The English satires derived their strength from their topicality, low-key approach, natural acting, subtle play of words and the kind of 'stiff upper-lip' attitude which was so British? How can the Hindi translations convey all these? Get ready for screaming and hamming.

My only request to the BBC and NDTV who are supposed to make this serial is , DON'T. Yes Minister and Yes Prime Minister must be ranked as high as John Dryden's Mac Flecknoe ... Let these not be corrupted. There are certain issues which are sacred. Among these are the two British satirical classics.

Indian politics and social life can be a gold mine for a satirist. The BBC can ask some of the Hindiwallahas to come up with an original political satire and make a TV serial out of it. I will boycott the BBC channel if they went ahead with this ill fated project.

V Gangadhar

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