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Anger, Denial, Abuse and Assistance

Puja Lalmalani

"Denial," says Monika Sharma, and pauses before continuing. "Our community is in denial."

Sharma is president of the junior board of Apna Ghar, a Chicago-based social service agency that aids South Asian victims of domestic violence.

Increasing awareness about domestic violence is the biggest challenge for 29-year-old Sharma, who has a doctorate in psychology.

Working in conjunction with the agency's senior board, Sharma and her associates have a specific target: the younger South Asians.

"In our community, people don't understand domestic violence," says Sharma who plans to be a full time social worker. "One of things the junior board works towards is educating people to recognize other forms of abuse."

"Control, using money to control, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, sexual coercion, these are just some examples of violence that many fail to define or view as abuse," she continues.

This weekend the junior board will hold its third annual fundraiser at the Three Arts Club in Chicago.

"This year's theme of 'Asha' reflects the board's hope for the future, for our generation, and for the women and children that are victims of domestic violence," explains Sharma.

"In our community, [women are] raised to put their needs aside," she notes. "[Asha symbolizes] an opening of minds, making people more aware, to do or say something against all acts of abuse."

Featuring local visual and performing artists, the benefit evening will also be an opportunity to showcase local talent and to appreciate art and creativity.

Creativity means "thinking outside of the box," and it's that kind of approach that is essential to working towards solutions to domestic violence-related problems, she adds.

Sharma originally got involved with the agency by helping her mother, Prem, who is one of the founding members of Apna Ghar.

Three years ago, Sharma approached the senior board about forming a separate committee to educate the young South Asians and get more support from them.

Since then, the 15-person junior board has done everything from networking at social functions to leading book discussions on domestic violence-related fiction to getting other organizations, such as NetIP-Chicago.

The board hopes to continue its book and film discussion groups, as well as hold a self-defense workshop this summer. It is also planning to participate in the "Step Out to Stop Abuse" Walk-A-Thon in August led by the Chicago Foundation for Women.

"[The junior board's] mission is more comprehensive," says K Sujata, executive director of Apna Ghar. "Traditionally Apna Ghar has been viewed as being there for immigrant South Asian women. Monika and her group has brought the relevance of Apna Ghar to the younger generation raised here."

"We see different problems that exist in our age group," says Sharma. "The pressures of dating and marriage, substance abuse, gender role expectations; I personally have felt limited being a woman."

Sharma says safety is often an issue women have to deal with. And then there is the pressure to put their needs second to other's needs.

"That angers me," says Sharma.

Sharma notes that domestic violence is also found among the American-born generation of South Asians.

"I've seen women (who are my friends) taken advantage of," she says. The whole 'blaming the victim' mentality has to end, she continues.

"I want people to understand why and how things happen and start putting the blame on the perpetrator instead of the victim."

Apna Ghar's phone number: (773) 334 0173

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