I have a new name, a new sex and a new nationality. In short, a whole new identity. All thanks to the power of the Internet. The great information revolution is working. Overnight, a Third World female -- or Asian woman, to be politically correct -- has been transformed into a First World male. No sex change operation, no skin-whitening creams, no counselling, no fuss, no pain. Amazing indeed. I am Herb Hardigree, a man, possibly a citizen of the United States of America, the world's greatest democracy. And I have a lot of emails to prove it, 520 to be precise. Ten emails every day for the past 52 days. The missives all begin alike. They address me by my new name, possibly to reinforce my new identity. Dear Herb, Now is the time to act. Dear Herb, Do you want to save money on bills? Dear Herb, Do you want Abundance in your life??? Dear Herb, Do you want to be a millionaire? And one that said... Dear Herb, I know you must be tired of all the junk mail you are receiving. That is why I have dispensed with the standard letter format to write to you from my heart... The senders, as you can see, are all ladies and gentlemen, respectable and beyond suspicion. To prove it, they even have this sentence at the bottom of every single one of those 520, er, 521 emails (yes, I just received one more). 'If you have no interest in this particular opportunity, please scroll down to the remove directions and follow them explicitly.' Have I ever tried to follow the 'remove directions explicitly'? Yes, the very first day. When I was peeved at receiving junk mail for another person in my inbox. I get enough of them myself, I thought, why on earth would I need another's? And so I tried to 'remove' myself... Well, it was a looooong journey, abruptly cut short several times by a rather moody modem. The end result is that I am still getting these emails as regularly as ever. In a couple of days, I began to wonder if Herb would soon be a close friend and soul mate. To read his emails, it would have to be so, wouldn't it? I read his emails every day, and soon I was looking forward to reading his mails. My boyfriend was jealous of the new man in my life. But not for long. What followed was a metamorphosis. It is a psychological tactic well known to the secret service all over the world. If you are addressed by a name repeatedly, you soon regard it as your very own. It was then time to take stock of my new identity. 'Hi, I'm Herb, Herb Hardigree.' Offered to me, or rather to my new identity, were any number of schemes, deals, you name it, I've been offered it. Credit cards, debit cards, money-spinning schemes, herbal solutions for herpes, trips to Timbucktoo, holidays to Hawaii, cruises in the Caribbean, houses, rentals, caravans, magazines, Web sites, URLs... The Asian woman I was would have routed these through a filter right into her trash. But Herb, well, he's not too sure. What if there's a good deal coming through one of these days! Now let me check my 522nd email that has just come in... Veena N hopes to divorce Herb pretty soon. Illustration: Uttam Ghosh Tell us what you think of this diary Be part of an exciting venture! Write a Diary!
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